Saturday, April 30, 2016

Yes! I took up the #MotherhoodChallenge



Yes, I took up the #MotherhoodChallenge early this year.  I don’t regret based on a few blogs floating around claiming how the #MotherhoodChallenge was insensitive and not well thought off. 

Image courtesy scoopnest


What is ironic about the whole situation is that some parenting bloggers are writing their voice against the challenge. Why? Don’t they celebrate motherhood on social media every single day? The #MotherhoodChallenge is a celebration of sorts as well.

Well call it a dare, a challenge, a celebration… Being a mom is a huge part of my identity and I wear this badge with pride. I (Alhamdulillah) feel, this is one of the biggest blessings of God. The biggest and the best…. I also feel, it is one of the biggest challenges of my life. Parenting isn’t easy; I don’t have a guide for being a mom who is perfect.

OK, judge me, but hear (in this case, read) me out first.... I face challenges every day. Starting from a C-Section, a long-drawn recovery, depression, weight gain, and then exercising each day and thinking before I keep a single morsel of food in my mouth (best part is, it hardly shows)... What about sleepless nights, taking decisions for the child. What about those nights spent in the hospital, when I didn't sleep a wink... OK, only a mother lives in a Zombie like state for years... Dressing up for me is jeans and a shirt and not my workout clothes... scheduling our lives around the child. And what about being judged constantly... 24*7

Sometimes, I just have to take a shot, without even thinking where or what will happen next. Am I doing the right thing? I just have take that risk at times. So, there you go, motherhood (parenting in general) is challenging and risky as well… Why can’t we call it a challenge or a dare? Why do we always have to stick to socially acceptable terms to express ourselves? It is a challenge, a risk, a dare and of course a celebration. 

Talking about being insensitive, I cannot even imagine the pain a mother goes through when she loses her child. Her loss is something I don’t want to think about, because it gives me jitters. I know it’s tough, but as they say life must go on.

We, all of us, have certain blessings that help us live our lives happily. We also (all of us) have certain tragedies we deal with. All tragedies are equally bad… when I lost my A.J (dad), or when I lost touch with my family, or when a childhood knee injury, at the age of 10, gave me a permanent knee pain for life… I did go through a lot. That doesn’t mean I mourn every time I when my friends tell me about incidents/moments spent with their dads. On the contrary, I remember dad, my eyes get moist, but there is a precious smile that comes on my lips. I do have my mom (Alhamdulillah), but we have so many differences, we are like chalk and cheese. We hardly speak to each other, coz when we do, we argue. 

Our blessings... I prefer celebrating my life (Alhamdulillah), and thanking God for what I have. I do feel the pain, every time I think of my sorrows and my challenges, but my blessings make me a happier person. 

People are going on and on about the challenge, the DARE... Why are we missing the point here? Well, it a challenge, a risk, a dare... It is also a CELEBRATION... Why can't mothers be allowed to celebrate? And, as I read somewhere... the best part is this challenge is about all the moms out there... ' foster mums, adoptive mums, step mums, biological mums, mums who’ve lost their little ones, and mums from all walks of life share their own experiences with the world.'

I know I will receive a lot of flak for this article, so be it. I have always been pretty vocal about my feelings; I have never been ‘politically correct’. And I’m a pretty strong believer of ‘to each their own’. 


Monday, April 25, 2016

Manners... We Care

Manners, a word we tend to forget about and/or we think, we are too cool for manners. Unfortunately, the truth is manners make you cool. I've (we, hubby & I) always been particular, that our 5 year old always says her thank you, sorry, excuse me, pardon, from her heart... It comes very naturally to her. 
Today, in the morning, when she spoke to my house help (who she refers to as Aunty) in a loud tone, I was sure she needs to apologize. When she didn't, I took the matters in my hands. Instead of forcing her to apologize, which wouldn't have solved the purpose... I had this conversation with her:
Me: You did something wrong in the kitchen, do you remember?
Z: No.... Hmmmm what Mumsy?
Me: Think about it... Something you said to Aunty.
Z: (after thinking) Maybe I shouted at her.
Me: You did certainly shout at her.
Z: oooo... Sorry Mumsy.
Me: You need to apologize to Aunty
Z: (trying to avoid it)...but I'm scared
Me: No Z, you have to do this. You have to apologize.
Z: Can I get some time out (that's the phrase she uses when she wants to be left alone)
Me: Sure, but you know what to do...
Z: OK
After 2-3 minutes, she entered the kitchen apologised to the house help, smiled at her, gave a little hug and went back in her room... After a couple minutes I entered her room. Another thing, we believe in as a family is giving space to each other. I sat beside her, squeezed her hand
Z: Thank you Mumsy.
Me: (smiling) Do you feel better now?
Z: Yes Mumsy, I love you.